What is all this about a bus?
No matter where we go these days, it is hard not to hear about the bus, and the reference is rarely good. When we betray people or disparage them, we throw them under the bus. When we go to the other extreme—taking responsibility that is not ours to take—we jump in front of the bus. People who receive non-constructive feedback often feel hit by the bus.
Perhaps we need to park the bus.
Consider the issue of feedback. All of us can use constructive, affirming feedback on our work performance. More than anything else, this kind of input helps us grow in our positions, develop our skills, and do our best work.
But many feedback sessions reach a point at which constructive feedback starts to morph into something else. Perhaps the comments turn subtly from evaluating the work to judging the person. Perhaps the tone of voice takes on an emotional edge. Maybe the point being discussed goes on one comment too long, or the room just goes quiet and the tension rises. In any event, the intended recipient of the input shifts from openness to defensiveness, and the situation suddenly becomes uncomfortable. Sometimes these shifts take place before anyone notices.
How can we notice the shifts when they happen? How can we stop the bus before it hits anyone? Inclusive Behaviors can help on both sides of the interaction. When we are givers of feedback, being fully engaged enables us to pick up on shifts in tone and the feeling in the room earlier than we normally would. By paying attention to other people’s cues—body language, tone of voice, reactions—we become more aware of the total environment, which enables us to ensure that it supports inclusion and stops the bus from rolling. By sharing our feedback as an ally (and listening as an ally after we share it), we place ourselves in a position of standing with the recipient, not against the recipient.
We can also use the Inclusive Behaviors as recipients of feedback. By speaking up when we feel hit by the bus (or sense that others have), we can address our misunderstandings and resolve our disagreements right away, instead of letting them fester and creating more momentum for the bus to roll on. KJCG’s Pinch Model can play a role here by providing a proven format for working through conflicts.
Moreover, separating the work from the person can remove the sting. If people perform badly at a task, it does not make them bad people: it simply means they were not at their best at that moment, doing that job. It turns the experience into a learning moment, which can help them continuously improve and ensure that the next time they complete the task they bring their best work. This may seem obvious, but it is difficult to remember in the midst of a conflict or crisis. The separation of person and task also reminds us that no work is the domain of any one individual: it is our work, our success, our failure.
If we start with these simple steps, we can get closer to fulfilling another Inclusive Behavior: creating a safe space for ourselves and others. That enables us to get on the bus—together—to “drive” it toward the common good and shared success.
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I was wondering what could ensure success or derail a feedback process.
I agree with the points you have made about sharing if we have felt pinched, listening as an ally, and being with the other person.
But what else needs to be ensured?
I first put myself in the shoes of the recipient of feedback. I would need to feel ‘safe’ to accept the feedback. Even though the giver of the feedback might talk about the work and not the person, it still is my work. So there is a sense of attachment with the work.
I then put myself in the shoes of the giver of the feedback. How do i create a safe space for the individual?
I was reminded of the Speed – Trust – Interactions model that Judith and Fred had explained in BE BIG workshop. There is safety in a space if there is trust. Trust can be built only through interactions. Trust is like lubricant in a car. We can have the perfect car but without the lubricant the car would always have problems moving.
Hence success or failure of a feedback process would depend on presence or absence of trust also. Trust is built through multiple authentic interaction over a period of time.
A manager would have to ensure that these authentic interactions are happening consistently.
So the basis is how frequently we have been on the bus together and how were our experiences in these cases.
What do you think?
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Sourav
Hello, Sourav,
Thank you for a great comment. A sense of safety and trust is the foundation for ensuring success in feedback sessions. And it’s the responsibility of everyone in the group—starting, but not ending, with the manager—to sustain that safety.
This is particularly important when individuals are relatively new to one another. Because they do not have the history of authentic interactions to build trust and safety, as you mention, they must frame their feedback and their interactions in precise language. The 12 Inclusive Behaviors are particularly powerful in this regard. When people understand and use phrases like “leaning into discomfort,” they add clarity to their interactions and open doors for others to join the conversation as allies.
Your point about attachment to the work makes a good deal of sense. Certainly, a person’s future depends in part on the quality of her or his work, so ultimately recipients can never completely separate themselves from their performance. This is all the more reason for people to carefully define their interactions and intentionally focus their conversation on the task. By doing so, they give themselves the best opportunity to put the other person at ease and create that all-important sense of safety.